An opportunity presented itself and I had a Grecian for the first time for a while. They have a new chimney installed over their charcoal pit, it is gradually starting to look quite beautiful in there, like a proper Taverna. Rows of neatly stacked shish and kofte, a gorgeous display of salad, European lagers. I ordered a small doner kebab with minty yoghurt sauce, all the salad, no red cabbage. The skewer wasn't even heated up, it was swiftly and crudely carved in their rustic style (I was concerned there would not be enough also), and while he heated the pitta bread up we had a wonderfully awkward conversation:
How are you?
Very well, thankyou, yes
Yeah?
Yes, can't complain, you know.
Good day?
Yes, very nice, lovely weather
I willed him to stop, but he continued nodding and genuinely seemed interested, pursuing different lines of smalltalk. It then led to some deep philosophy and an insight into an intrinsic difference between southern and northern Europe from my new friend:
"I don't know why people are so obsessed with the weather in Britain, you don't need good weather to make you happy. Sometimes I like to go for long walks in the rain, I love the feeling of it splashing on my face. As long as you are happy in life, you are happy no matter what the weather is"
Luckily then my kebab was ready, so I tucked it under my arm and walked out into the blissful June sunshine, a tear at the corner of my eye.
Friday, 9 March 2012
Back
It has been a long time since I have kebab-logged on here, but rest assured I have still been squirrelling away kebabs and enjoying them on a regular basis. I had a few reviews in note form which I shall now make public for the first time.
Monday, 13 September 2010
Perfectstubble News
My other half was recently in the Arches, getting the chips briefly mentioned in the previous review. She was patiently awaiting these to be prepared, she had spotted perfectstubble at his usual spot towards the rear of the counter. A fellow customer then whispered to his friend: "He draws that on with mascara each morning". It is seriously this perfect, it is like a real-life version of Homer Simpson's stubble if he was thinner, bespectacled and Turkish.
Thursday, 9 September 2010
Shalimar!
Finally a break in my regular eating schedule allowed a (quite sober) Shalimar for my tea. It is a slightly further walk than my regular haunts but nothing too taxing. As it advertises itself still as an Indian Takeaway also, I suspected kebab-in-naan was a possibility: a reconnaisance glimpse recently confirmed this theory. I strode confidently in and ordered my first ever kebab featuring naan instead of pitta.
I went for a small doner in naan bread. The ordering process was interesting: presumably as they are an ex-indian they jotted down my simple order on a slip of paper, including my choice of salad. On enquiring on what salad was available, the reply was "all the salad" as he nodded towards a tray of lettuce, cucumber, tomato and onion. He then amended the order to omit onion, and I then suggested a further upgrade to a large doner. £3.99 including a free tin of soft drink was an incredibly reasonable price for such a meal, 49p more than a small so this made simple economic sense.
I was expecting a naan to be whipped out from under the counter, but an order was placed in the kitchen for a fresh one to be made. I feel this would create a nightmare in the late evening, however I was quite happy to wait for the improvement in quality of bread when in a dinner-at-home scenario. This also allowed me to peruse my surroundings. Shalimar is a sparsely decorated place, recently refitted with a side-on arrangement of kebab skewer and a handful of tables towards the rear. I doubt these would ever be used to eat in - they used to be a restuarant and presumably switched to takeaway with added elephant leg due to low levels of local interest, and to cash in on Stokes Croft's resurgence of (legal, non street corner) drinking. The elephant leg itself was fairly small and had a coarse-grained texture but lacked the juicyness of say the Grecian. The fact that it was quiet and early may have exacerbated this: the outside had almost certainly simply dried out which concerned me slightly. There was no chicken option which is unusual for a Friday night.
The naan finally arrived. This was quite a monstrosity: a dinner-plate sized slab of bread which was balanced atop an open standard issue pale yellow polystyrene box. I had seen no heating or shaving so was almost resigned to cold, dry meat in a massive hunk of bread, until out of nowhere he thrust his tongs into a stainless steel pot of pre-shaved doner meat! I do like my meat freshly sliced when the circumstances are right, but as previous reviews have shown the kept-warm approach can have wonderful results also. The pre-selected salad was sprinkled on and I had to intervene to prevent each individual sauce being added (odd they didn't ask this before to put on their little slip of paper). I opted for garlic sauce and a worryingly long splurge was added, my view obscured by the counter top, I had to intervene again to stop the sandwich from being flooded.
I hurried home, met with my other half who had made alternate arrangements but we shared some chips - breaking my rule but I felt it made a more complete meal in this case. I emptied out the beast onto a plate, it resembled a large omelette. I tried forking up the excess out of habit, I then realised this is pointless as it is all perfectly happily contained within. I picked it up and tucked in.
It was a celebration of coarse textured yet juicy meat with an edge of spice and heat which was a nice Indian-inspired touch. The garlic sauce was of the runny mild type, sidestepping the sickly strong tang and cloying nature of many establishments' sauces. This combined with the meat and salad to make a very satisfying filling. I ate the lot. Recommended.
I went for a small doner in naan bread. The ordering process was interesting: presumably as they are an ex-indian they jotted down my simple order on a slip of paper, including my choice of salad. On enquiring on what salad was available, the reply was "all the salad" as he nodded towards a tray of lettuce, cucumber, tomato and onion. He then amended the order to omit onion, and I then suggested a further upgrade to a large doner. £3.99 including a free tin of soft drink was an incredibly reasonable price for such a meal, 49p more than a small so this made simple economic sense.
I was expecting a naan to be whipped out from under the counter, but an order was placed in the kitchen for a fresh one to be made. I feel this would create a nightmare in the late evening, however I was quite happy to wait for the improvement in quality of bread when in a dinner-at-home scenario. This also allowed me to peruse my surroundings. Shalimar is a sparsely decorated place, recently refitted with a side-on arrangement of kebab skewer and a handful of tables towards the rear. I doubt these would ever be used to eat in - they used to be a restuarant and presumably switched to takeaway with added elephant leg due to low levels of local interest, and to cash in on Stokes Croft's resurgence of (legal, non street corner) drinking. The elephant leg itself was fairly small and had a coarse-grained texture but lacked the juicyness of say the Grecian. The fact that it was quiet and early may have exacerbated this: the outside had almost certainly simply dried out which concerned me slightly. There was no chicken option which is unusual for a Friday night.
The naan finally arrived. This was quite a monstrosity: a dinner-plate sized slab of bread which was balanced atop an open standard issue pale yellow polystyrene box. I had seen no heating or shaving so was almost resigned to cold, dry meat in a massive hunk of bread, until out of nowhere he thrust his tongs into a stainless steel pot of pre-shaved doner meat! I do like my meat freshly sliced when the circumstances are right, but as previous reviews have shown the kept-warm approach can have wonderful results also. The pre-selected salad was sprinkled on and I had to intervene to prevent each individual sauce being added (odd they didn't ask this before to put on their little slip of paper). I opted for garlic sauce and a worryingly long splurge was added, my view obscured by the counter top, I had to intervene again to stop the sandwich from being flooded.
I hurried home, met with my other half who had made alternate arrangements but we shared some chips - breaking my rule but I felt it made a more complete meal in this case. I emptied out the beast onto a plate, it resembled a large omelette. I tried forking up the excess out of habit, I then realised this is pointless as it is all perfectly happily contained within. I picked it up and tucked in.
It was a celebration of coarse textured yet juicy meat with an edge of spice and heat which was a nice Indian-inspired touch. The garlic sauce was of the runny mild type, sidestepping the sickly strong tang and cloying nature of many establishments' sauces. This combined with the meat and salad to make a very satisfying filling. I ate the lot. Recommended.
Friday, 13 August 2010
Breaking News: New Kebab Shop
Details are sketchy at the moment but not too far from Ritas, near the Pipe and Slippers and next to Rice & Ting on Stokes Croft is a new Kebab shop. It is called Shalimar Kebab and Indian Takeaway - it has a neon sign in the window which reads "KEBAB" which presumably can be illuminated when these are available.
I have a feeling this used to be a standard Balti house, but probably lost out to Indian Fast Food (see reviews passim) and Asian Spicy up the road. Now they have removed the seats and created a standard counter-style arrangement. They are still selling Indian food so I can only hope and pray the option of doner + naan exists.
After a delicious Rita's earlier in the week, things are looking up for Stokes Croft - could this be the new centre of Bristolian Doner Kebab Culture (BDKC)? Look out Gloucester Road, that's all that I can say.
I passed it again yesterday, I saw one of the servers happily striding outside to a waiting white van man parked on the pavement. He handed him a parcel which clearly contained a kebab of some sort as there were spots of grease starting to seep through the paper. Looks like incredible service - a review will follow as soon as humanly possible.
I have a feeling this used to be a standard Balti house, but probably lost out to Indian Fast Food (see reviews passim) and Asian Spicy up the road. Now they have removed the seats and created a standard counter-style arrangement. They are still selling Indian food so I can only hope and pray the option of doner + naan exists.
After a delicious Rita's earlier in the week, things are looking up for Stokes Croft - could this be the new centre of Bristolian Doner Kebab Culture (BDKC)? Look out Gloucester Road, that's all that I can say.
I passed it again yesterday, I saw one of the servers happily striding outside to a waiting white van man parked on the pavement. He handed him a parcel which clearly contained a kebab of some sort as there were spots of grease starting to seep through the paper. Looks like incredible service - a review will follow as soon as humanly possible.
Kebabland: The Return
I have mentioned Kebabland recently, the Cardiff Chippy Lane institution which popped my kebab cherry. Well this weekend, I finally returned.
We had a fairly boozy night out and I insisted upon visiting - last time due to a number of reasons this simply didn't happen. I walked in hoping the experience to be full of happy memories and reminiscences, like finally coming home after a long absence, but they have had a refit. They used to have a Rita's style narrow counter and waiting area, now it has been expanded further back with a front facing counter. The same grey-haired main was working who served my first ever kebab - imagine the things this man has seen! Strips of thick juicy flesh were being sliced on a production-line style arrangement due to the popularity of the doner, after one rotation as soon as the outer layer was a slightly darker shade of brown it was expertly electrically shaved and stuffed into a waiting pitta. I selected lettuce, cucumber and garlic sauce. I have always held Kebabland to be the benchmark of garlic sauce, it is a thinner concoction which is ladled rather than squirted on, it is the sign of a quality kebab shop and quite a rarity these days. You can tell they care deeply about sauce when it is gently lifted from the pot and drizzled over the awaiting sandwich.
We walked to our usual Cardiff Kebab eating spot, now in the midst of a swanky development rather than the arse end of a dodgy arcade, and tucked in. Initially I was delighted: long soft ribbons of intensely lamby flesh combining with creamy garlic and a crisp salad. However halfway in it got a bit cloying, the lambiness overpowering and the garlic far too strong and gloopy. I actually started to feel a bit sick so I never made it into a sandwich - the pitta was far too soggy for a start. I left it on a bench and walked away, wiping my garlic and tear-stained hands on my jeans.
My kebab companion opted for doner meat and chips, quite a newbie mistake to make, or so I thought. His explanation was that pitta is essentially pointless, rarely is it made into a respectable sandwich (I disagree slightly with this). The doner meat juices are allowed to dribble down onto the chips and it is slightly cheaper than a full doner for roughly the same amount of meat. Next time I am in a chippy with decent chips, I shall go for it, but it would be pointless with fries. it is worth doing if the salad selection is shoddy also, and I feel a strong chilli sauce would complement this better than garlic / mint.
Anyway, I digress. The kebab I had started to really disagree with me throughout the night and next morning, I woke up with the taste of sick in my mouth at one point and pretty much every bodily function smelled or tasted like lamb. Even now I am gagging at the thought of it, I found some pictures on my phone of this meaty beast which looks fucking rank. To exacerbate matters I then had to sit down for a civilised brunch with my parents which featured a square sausage (scottish thing, look it up). This had the texture and taste of that bad Arches kebab (see reviews passim), needless to say this wasn't even touched. I had to have a little lie down after this horrendous experience, where I sat pushing bacon around a plate with my pale face and bloodshot eyes, avoiding speaking while my parents tutted at my general demeanour and appetite. I didn't dare say that my illness was due to kebab eating rather than large amounts of alcohol, somehow I felt that would come across as worse.
So overall a dissapointment. But there is something quite beautiful from a cosmic point of view about this: this was my first kebab and quite possibly will be my last, I cannot even entertain the notion of eating a small doner with garlic sauce ever again. In a way also it shows how far I have come as a kebab connoiseur, I have moved above and beyond such small fry and now crave a better quality kebab shop.
We had a fairly boozy night out and I insisted upon visiting - last time due to a number of reasons this simply didn't happen. I walked in hoping the experience to be full of happy memories and reminiscences, like finally coming home after a long absence, but they have had a refit. They used to have a Rita's style narrow counter and waiting area, now it has been expanded further back with a front facing counter. The same grey-haired main was working who served my first ever kebab - imagine the things this man has seen! Strips of thick juicy flesh were being sliced on a production-line style arrangement due to the popularity of the doner, after one rotation as soon as the outer layer was a slightly darker shade of brown it was expertly electrically shaved and stuffed into a waiting pitta. I selected lettuce, cucumber and garlic sauce. I have always held Kebabland to be the benchmark of garlic sauce, it is a thinner concoction which is ladled rather than squirted on, it is the sign of a quality kebab shop and quite a rarity these days. You can tell they care deeply about sauce when it is gently lifted from the pot and drizzled over the awaiting sandwich.
We walked to our usual Cardiff Kebab eating spot, now in the midst of a swanky development rather than the arse end of a dodgy arcade, and tucked in. Initially I was delighted: long soft ribbons of intensely lamby flesh combining with creamy garlic and a crisp salad. However halfway in it got a bit cloying, the lambiness overpowering and the garlic far too strong and gloopy. I actually started to feel a bit sick so I never made it into a sandwich - the pitta was far too soggy for a start. I left it on a bench and walked away, wiping my garlic and tear-stained hands on my jeans.
My kebab companion opted for doner meat and chips, quite a newbie mistake to make, or so I thought. His explanation was that pitta is essentially pointless, rarely is it made into a respectable sandwich (I disagree slightly with this). The doner meat juices are allowed to dribble down onto the chips and it is slightly cheaper than a full doner for roughly the same amount of meat. Next time I am in a chippy with decent chips, I shall go for it, but it would be pointless with fries. it is worth doing if the salad selection is shoddy also, and I feel a strong chilli sauce would complement this better than garlic / mint.
Anyway, I digress. The kebab I had started to really disagree with me throughout the night and next morning, I woke up with the taste of sick in my mouth at one point and pretty much every bodily function smelled or tasted like lamb. Even now I am gagging at the thought of it, I found some pictures on my phone of this meaty beast which looks fucking rank. To exacerbate matters I then had to sit down for a civilised brunch with my parents which featured a square sausage (scottish thing, look it up). This had the texture and taste of that bad Arches kebab (see reviews passim), needless to say this wasn't even touched. I had to have a little lie down after this horrendous experience, where I sat pushing bacon around a plate with my pale face and bloodshot eyes, avoiding speaking while my parents tutted at my general demeanour and appetite. I didn't dare say that my illness was due to kebab eating rather than large amounts of alcohol, somehow I felt that would come across as worse.
So overall a dissapointment. But there is something quite beautiful from a cosmic point of view about this: this was my first kebab and quite possibly will be my last, I cannot even entertain the notion of eating a small doner with garlic sauce ever again. In a way also it shows how far I have come as a kebab connoiseur, I have moved above and beyond such small fry and now crave a better quality kebab shop.
Friday, 6 August 2010
The Wishlist
I have been a kebab fan for some time (a few years of vegetarianism notwithstanding), but I have actually eaten a kebab from a reasonably small number of establishments. This is due partly to loyalty, once I find a place I remain loyal, but also location - more far-flung kebabhouses (more than 500 yards from home or not in the town centre) rarely get the nod. I have a wishlist of places, very much a work in progress, please feel free to recommend fresh kebab experiences in the comments below if you wish.
M&Ms - Whiteladies Road, Bristol
I have heard about this restaurant (I believe it has several seats) from various unrelated sources now, both kebab enthusiast and casual consumer, so it is definitely worth a visit. It is out of the range of my normal kebab shopping and not in an area we tend to consume alcohol so it has as yet been ignored. Is it charcoal or gas? Electric or hand carved? Ribbons or chopped? Dark or light meat? Kept warm or freshly sliced? Pitta or Naan? Surly or friendly? God himself only knows.
Jason's Doner Van - Various Locations
Partly because of the name, but also it is a good excuse to try a van-based kebab takeaway. These look like mobile food poisoning palaces, usually with a pale, pathetically thin elephant legs (name for a thin elephant leg? Girrafe's neck? Similar colour and mottled pattern at times) and incredibly surly staff. Outrageous prices have been seen. I have seen at least 2-3 of these vans around, which could of course all be the same van in different locations.
Kebabland - Chippy Lane, Cardiff
This is a revisit, but still on my wishlist as I haven't been for a good 5 years. After previously being more a chips fan, this was the scene of my first ever kebab: with all the salad, chilli sauce. It wasn't a revelatory moment, it wasn't mouth-wateringly excellent, but it had a certain charm that kept me coming back for more. Over the years I have been indebted to this place in introducing me to the delights and charms of the elephant leg, and after much refinement and experimentation it has shaped me into the person I am now. I used to run, quite literally, to this place after a night on the town and after a friend recommended garlic sauce rather than chilli I never looked back. A while ago I walked past Kebabland and saw the same familiar faces still stripping the doner; slightly more world-weary, more grey-haired, but still with a cheeky glint in their eyes.
It is located in my home town of Cardiff, which is some distance to travel from Bristol for just a small doner, but nights out there still occur. One day, I shall return.
Bristol Kebab House - St Pauls, Bristol
I have heard wondrous things and seen impeccable reviews of this establishment. Their portions, even of a small doner, are apparently gargantuan - to the point where lids of the pale yellow polystyrene box burst with the sheer pressure of meat. They use naan rather than pitta, which is a sign of a truly quality place. It is near a pub we frequent, but in an area which to be honest can feel rather sketchy at times, plus a good walk from our house. The problem with kebaberies too far to transport their product home is you are left with two options. You eat it on a park bench nearby - OK on a nice evening, in a nice area or in town; or you can take it home and allow it to go cold (I do not get on well with walking and eating a kebab, rarely a happy experience). Neither I find are that acceptable and microwaving a kebab is simply outrageous.
There are problems with all the above: access, distance, risk of disease. One day all the planets will align, everything will fall into place and hopefully I shall experience each and every one.
M&Ms - Whiteladies Road, Bristol
I have heard about this restaurant (I believe it has several seats) from various unrelated sources now, both kebab enthusiast and casual consumer, so it is definitely worth a visit. It is out of the range of my normal kebab shopping and not in an area we tend to consume alcohol so it has as yet been ignored. Is it charcoal or gas? Electric or hand carved? Ribbons or chopped? Dark or light meat? Kept warm or freshly sliced? Pitta or Naan? Surly or friendly? God himself only knows.
Jason's Doner Van - Various Locations
Partly because of the name, but also it is a good excuse to try a van-based kebab takeaway. These look like mobile food poisoning palaces, usually with a pale, pathetically thin elephant legs (name for a thin elephant leg? Girrafe's neck? Similar colour and mottled pattern at times) and incredibly surly staff. Outrageous prices have been seen. I have seen at least 2-3 of these vans around, which could of course all be the same van in different locations.
Kebabland - Chippy Lane, Cardiff
This is a revisit, but still on my wishlist as I haven't been for a good 5 years. After previously being more a chips fan, this was the scene of my first ever kebab: with all the salad, chilli sauce. It wasn't a revelatory moment, it wasn't mouth-wateringly excellent, but it had a certain charm that kept me coming back for more. Over the years I have been indebted to this place in introducing me to the delights and charms of the elephant leg, and after much refinement and experimentation it has shaped me into the person I am now. I used to run, quite literally, to this place after a night on the town and after a friend recommended garlic sauce rather than chilli I never looked back. A while ago I walked past Kebabland and saw the same familiar faces still stripping the doner; slightly more world-weary, more grey-haired, but still with a cheeky glint in their eyes.
It is located in my home town of Cardiff, which is some distance to travel from Bristol for just a small doner, but nights out there still occur. One day, I shall return.
Bristol Kebab House - St Pauls, Bristol
I have heard wondrous things and seen impeccable reviews of this establishment. Their portions, even of a small doner, are apparently gargantuan - to the point where lids of the pale yellow polystyrene box burst with the sheer pressure of meat. They use naan rather than pitta, which is a sign of a truly quality place. It is near a pub we frequent, but in an area which to be honest can feel rather sketchy at times, plus a good walk from our house. The problem with kebaberies too far to transport their product home is you are left with two options. You eat it on a park bench nearby - OK on a nice evening, in a nice area or in town; or you can take it home and allow it to go cold (I do not get on well with walking and eating a kebab, rarely a happy experience). Neither I find are that acceptable and microwaving a kebab is simply outrageous.
There are problems with all the above: access, distance, risk of disease. One day all the planets will align, everything will fall into place and hopefully I shall experience each and every one.
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