The Weekend of Pseudo-kebabs

I have often pondered the fundamental question, the meaning of life: what is a kebab? This weekend challenged the very concept; the very nature of a kebab.


First up is Magic Roll. This is a quirky Bristol staple: it makes reasonably cheap, tasty wraps stuffed full of fillings - meat or veg with salad. I had the wrap which contained grilled lamb (obviously) along with olives, chorizo and probably some other stuff too. There was no option to request lettuce, cucumber and a weak garlicy sauce, but I trusted their combination to satisfy. It did, although I would stress that this is a pseudo-kebab: so I put up with non-standard ingredients and to be honest fairly bland meat patties, and the whole unit was a juicy, flavourful feast all round. My other half had a wrap containing chicken - this went down OK but there was too much cabbage and not enough flavour. Which is why you should always trust lamb.


Friday and Saturday night passed without any elephant leg action whatsoever, but a traditional Sunday roast dinner was on the cards at the Jolly Sailor in Saltford. We had been before so knew what to expect - a charming riverside location with ample outdoor seating. We ordered lamb roasts and waited. Waited for about an hour, with looming dark clouds coming and going: taunting us. It arrived and it was wonderful - soft meat, not too fatty, crispy roast potatoes, a yorkshire (extra 50p we later discovered. Not too happy as this was a freeby with the beef but they had run out), and separate cauli cheese and veg. While eating, I snuck a slice of lamb into the soggy yorkshire, added a couple of green beans and some cheese sauce. What had I just created? A kebab. A kebab without crippling morning stomach cramps, acid reflux and a feeling of inner sadness. Wonderful.

So I finally have an answer to the eternal question: what is a kebab? Cornish Pasty? Kebab: suspect meat, potato and turnip salad in a pastry pitta. Sunday Roast? Kebab. Full English Breakfast? Slap it between two slices of toast and you have a pork kebab with an egg-yolk and ketchup sauce. To sum up, a kebab is whatever you want it to be. A kebab is your hopes and dreams, loves and losses, some form of meat (or vegetable) wrapped in some form of carbohydrate. In fact, the carbohydrate is not strictly neccesary.

Tip of the day - always choose lamb as chicken is sometimes slightly dissapointing.