The Bristol Fryer

Touched on in my last post, I had to try a Bristol Fryer. This review is from over a year ago now, I have since had quite a few of these.

The kebab skewer looked a moderate size and a deep, rich brown for midweek which is a good sign, a measly pale squared-off doner is rarely an inviting sight. Due to this essentially being a fish and chip shop I was unnerved by the high counter and lack of visibility of salad. A notice boasted that "Spanish" onions, cabbage and lettuce were available. I selected a regular doner, all the salad, garlic sauce. This arrived disturbingly quickly, it was slapped into a standard pale polystyrene box with a clicky tab lid that never stays shut properly and handed over. I dared not peek until I got home.

I find for some reason I always worry that I have made an unwise choice with a small doner. I watch them shaving the doner, praying for one more swipe, eyeing up the growing greasy pile at the bottom. When I get it home however, all my concerns drift away. Put it this way, in one small mouthful of most kebabs there is far more meat than an Italian BMT from Subway.

I arrived home, unwarapped the beast from the three sheets of paper and the box sprung open to reveal a beautiful sight. I took photographs. I tucked in, the onions had a little too much tang unfortunately, a good solution would be for them to be inserted along with the meat (or within a wrap rather than pitta?) which would allow them to mingle with the flesh to gently steam and soften. The lettuce was OK, the cabbage was a little on the red side but added good bulk.

This was a very promising start and the speedy arrival could only mean one thing: shave n save. A pot of pre-cooked meat kept warm allowing it to effortlessly glide into an awaiting pitta. I have had wonderful experiences with this technique in the past, the humid atomsphere the meat is exposed to softens it beautifully. However this time it intensified the slightly off lamby notes of the flavour and the grease factor was overwhelming as the fat rendered out of the meat. Each mouthful the oil was dripping through my fingers, my pitta slowly disintegrating before my eyes. By the time I had finished, the grease resembled thick white vaseline on my hands. I had to wash them using fairy liquid. Twice.

The Interim & The Move

I have been uninspired to write recently. I have moved house to the North Gloucester Road area which has been touched on in previous reviews - Kebab houses of note are conspicuous in their absence in these parts. Eating arrangements have caused me to fend for myself and/or eat late on Tuesdays which lends itself perfectly for Kebab hunting, especially as I pass through Stokes Croft: Bristol's cultural (and kebab) quarter. I have eaten a plethora of Ritas, and my new salad of choice is "All the salad. Yes, including the chillis". I now appreciate a crisp onion to balance the soft lamb flesh. I also nearly ate a Shalimar but defected at the last minute to the Grecian: the elephant leg was almost touching metal and the person at the counter had a face like a freshly slapped arse. I keep returning to Ritas as it is convenient and trustworthy: always a large glistening elephant leg, hand carved, keen sweaty staff. These kebab experiences have melded into each other in my mind: they became a functional snack rather than a joyous, delicious yet humbling experience that I love and crave so much.

The big move has also led to a whole new problem - bus kebabs. The thin carrier bag looks so inconspicous, you think your sandwich is cosy and sealed within its wrapping. Then the scent hits your nostrils. Not the subtle friendly meaty smells but the essence of fart, thick sliced onions, warm cheap recycled chipshop wrapping paper. On a packed bus this can be mortifying and the desire to start eating becomes difficult to bear. Luckily it is only 10 minutes.

The choices at this other end of Glos Rd are quite uninviting (hence the bus rides). Charcoal Grill has two franchises nearby but I have been massively put off by a recent negative review and reported discovery of several hairs. I believe a doner skewer is located in a Southern Fried Chicken shop, this is outrageous. I have even been driven to dining at the king of pseudo-kebabs Subway as it has the requisite dubious meat and choice of salad, all served up by a miserable cunt.

We had chips from the Bristol Fryer recently which were incredible. They were as soft as butter, a creamy savoury nugget of joy with some gentle crispy edges. It was then I spotted a side-on kebab skewer! I remember reading vague favourable reviews of the Jolly Fryer's kebabs which is related to this particular Fryer - I vowed that I would give it a try. After consulting a map i discovered that this may well be my geographially closest kebab shop. I shall make it so.

New New Grecian - June 2011

An opportunity presented itself and I had a Grecian for the first time for a while. They have a new chimney installed over their charcoal pit, it is gradually starting to look quite beautiful in there, like a proper Taverna. Rows of neatly stacked shish and kofte, a gorgeous display of salad, European lagers. I ordered a small doner kebab with minty yoghurt sauce, all the salad, no red cabbage. The skewer wasn't even heated up, it was swiftly and crudely carved in their rustic style (I was concerned there would not be enough also), and while he heated the pitta bread up we had a wonderfully awkward conversation:

How are you?
Very well, thankyou, yes
Yeah?
Yes, can't complain, you know.
Good day?
Yes, very nice, lovely weather

I willed him to stop, but he continued nodding and genuinely seemed interested, pursuing different lines of smalltalk. It then led to some deep philosophy and an insight into an intrinsic difference between southern and northern Europe from my new friend:

"I don't know why people are so obsessed with the weather in Britain, you don't need good weather to make you happy. Sometimes I like to go for long walks in the rain, I love the feeling of it splashing on my face. As long as you are happy in life, you are happy no matter what the weather is"

Luckily then my kebab was ready, so I tucked it under my arm and walked out into the blissful June sunshine, a tear at the corner of my eye.

Back

It has been a long time since I have kebab-logged on here, but rest assured I have still been squirrelling away kebabs and enjoying them on a regular basis. I had a few reviews in note form which I shall now make public for the first time.