The Wishlist

I have been a kebab fan for some time (a few years of vegetarianism notwithstanding), but I have actually eaten a kebab from a reasonably small number of establishments. This is due partly to loyalty, once I find a place I remain loyal, but also location - more far-flung kebabhouses (more than 500 yards from home or not in the town centre) rarely get the nod. I have a wishlist of places, very much a work in progress, please feel free to recommend fresh kebab experiences in the comments below if you wish.


M&Ms - Whiteladies Road, Bristol

I have heard about this restaurant (I believe it has several seats) from various unrelated sources now, both kebab enthusiast and casual consumer, so it is definitely worth a visit. It is out of the range of my normal kebab shopping and not in an area we tend to consume alcohol so it has as yet been ignored. Is it charcoal or gas? Electric or hand carved? Ribbons or chopped? Dark or light meat? Kept warm or freshly sliced? Pitta or Naan? Surly or friendly? God himself only knows.


Jason's Doner Van - Various Locations

Partly because of the name, but also it is a good excuse to try a van-based kebab takeaway. These look like mobile food poisoning palaces, usually with a pale, pathetically thin elephant legs (name for a thin elephant leg? Girrafe's neck? Similar colour and mottled pattern at times) and incredibly surly staff. Outrageous prices have been seen. I have seen at least 2-3 of these vans around, which could of course all be the same van in different locations.


Kebabland - Chippy Lane, Cardiff

This is a revisit, but still on my wishlist as I haven't been for a good 5 years. After previously being more a chips fan, this was the scene of my first ever kebab: with all the salad, chilli sauce. It wasn't a revelatory moment, it wasn't mouth-wateringly excellent, but it had a certain charm that kept me coming back for more. Over the years I have been indebted to this place in introducing me to the delights and charms of the elephant leg, and after much refinement and experimentation it has shaped me into the person I am now. I used to run, quite literally, to this place after a night on the town and after a friend recommended garlic sauce rather than chilli I never looked back. A while ago I walked past Kebabland and saw the same familiar faces still stripping the doner; slightly more world-weary, more grey-haired, but still with a cheeky glint in their eyes.

It is located in my home town of Cardiff, which is some distance to travel from Bristol for just a small doner, but nights out there still occur. One day, I shall return.


Bristol Kebab House - St Pauls, Bristol

I have heard wondrous things and seen impeccable reviews of this establishment. Their portions, even of a small doner, are apparently gargantuan - to the point where lids of the pale yellow polystyrene box burst with the sheer pressure of meat. They use naan rather than pitta, which is a sign of a truly quality place. It is near a pub we frequent, but in an area which to be honest can feel rather sketchy at times, plus a good walk from our house. The problem with kebaberies too far to transport their product home is you are left with two options. You eat it on a park bench nearby - OK on a nice evening, in a nice area or in town; or you can take it home and allow it to go cold (I do not get on well with walking and eating a kebab, rarely a happy experience). Neither I find are that acceptable and microwaving a kebab is simply outrageous.

There are problems with all the above: access, distance, risk of disease. One day all the planets will align, everything will fall into place and hopefully I shall experience each and every one.